I realized that part of this vague purposelessness and hardened heart on and off these past few months comes down to this - I've forgotten to hope for what's in store.
As P. Pete put it in the Persona series, "A lot of our character failings come down to forgetting our purpose..."
Convinced that I am inadequate for God's calling on my life, focused on "too much" in the present to be concerned with, dissuaded from dreaming because I have "no business" planning God's future...I've stopped dreaming. Of course, if fantasy becomes my reality it is out of control, but I have to remember that it is not only okay but healthy to dream and to share those dreams with others.
"And hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us...Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." - Romans 5:5, 8:24-25
So I've been dreaming, blowing the dust off old dreams placed on a shelf, hoping for what's in store - for my future, for Detroit, for my students. Feel free to ask.
Reading through my old journals I found a quote from our lead pastor,
"Don't let your passions die. Pray and seek. God will speak. He will open up a door."