2009 Resolutions

So, I haven't been doing so well at keeping this blog updated, but I'm going to try to get back to it more regularly--if purely because it's nice to be able to look back and see what I've been thinking about and what I've done during the past weeks, months, years, etc. 

There's something nice about making resolutions at the outset of the year. It just feels like I'm putting everything in order--sort of that feeling I get after doing laundry: that if only for the moment, everything in life is clean, folded, and in order, down to the last sock.

1. spend more time with God daily

• increase morning/evening devotion time to fifteen minutes--enough to spend some time reflecting on the word and praying before/after the busy-ness of rest of the day
• place reminders throughout my day to pray and invite God into the midst of my work

2. be more intentional about use of resources I've been given, including time

• Place a firmer budget for myself (last semester I spent more than I earned!); each paycheck or other deposited money will be divided in this way: 10% to my two savings subaccounts and an absolute minimum of 10% to savings. Thus, spendings in each 2-week period may not exceed the 70% of what has been earned, though it should be much less. This will definitely have a chance to be tested during this first part of the semester as I registered for the HMCC retreat and will be starting my paycheck spendings "in the negative." 
• Get a second job; apply for summer job; work on FAFSA & scholarship applications
• Do not eat out more than once a week (maybe twice during my birthday week!)
• Spend at least two hours a night doing homework (with gchat, phone & all other distractions OFF!) If this allows for ample reading, napping, etc., great. If not, that's okay because the work time will help me to stay on top of (and hopefully get ahead in) classes.
• Pray about those with whom I am in relationship with; be open to where the Spirit leads me to be a part of their lives

3. be more intentional about taking care of myself

• Sleep at least 6-8 hours a night 5+ days a week
• Join one or two Umove classes to be more intentional about exercise. It will help me to feel better about myself and give me more energy.
• No more than one dessert per meal (defined as: 1 slice pie/cake or 1 larger item or 2 smaller items (cookies, pastries, chocolate pieces, etc.)
• No fried food from halfway after 9:00
• No more than 2 snacks a day (does not include anything defined as dessert above)

4. be more intentional about how I respond to others, especially:

• how I keep in touch with friends and loved ones
• the words I say rashly, or even the thoughts I have that harm

So, hopefully if I can keep faithful to these resolutions, I can work on a lot of the areas I've been slipping on, and as a result, just feel like a much healthier, more whole person. 

Grace & Peace!

Summer 2008 in Review

While it may seem odd to only be posting about my summer when this blog reflects that I haven't updated in almost a year, check out my other blog on blogspot to find (some of) the missing months.

June:

~graduation party frenzy (my own and many others)
~working at Tropical Smoothie & the zoo
~building and auctioning off four picnic tables (which equals sanding, sanding & more sanding; 40-50 hours of labor in all) to raise money for our Appalachia Service Project
~Riverside Film Festival (I made it to five movies in my one day off during the festival!)
~various other meetings, family and friend get-togethers, babysitting, etc.
~reading everything under the Sun

July:

~watching fireworks on TV while at work on the Fourth of July...plus seeing Bay Rd. empty for the first time in my life while holding a sign outside
~leading my first non-youth, over 50 people worship service & preaching for the second time at State Street (July 6)
~Appalachia Service Project in Hyden, Kentucky (July 12-20). Every minute (I might even say every second) was amazing. I can't shake the desire to apply for staff next year. I miss the clan there so much!
~family time up north to celebrate my grandpa's brother's 50th anniversary
~coming back from vacation to be fired from Tropical Smoothie
~grand increase in hours at the zoo
~3-day orientation at U of M

August:

~Ashton & Sammy overnight to catch up after vacation
~Vacation Bible School: 1st and 2nd graders!
~hosting an exchange student for a whirlwind 5 days
~post-ASP reporting
~shopping & getting everything packed for school
~and in between: zoo. zoo. zoo. zoo. zoo!

That's all for now! I wish I had time to ellaborate.

Grace & Peace!

One Thing

This is an idea that first came to me in response to an emerging idea throughout Shane Claibourne's Irresistible Revolution of the "one thing" we do each day, the "one thing" each moment should be centered on--our relationship with God--and how the rest of our lives should center on this.

I put this idea away for awhile and came back to it in response to a Candidacy session centering around grace and our personal responses through devotions and spiritual formation (titled "Grace: Spiritual Formation through Inner Disciplines").

The other focus bringing me to this exercise is a Kingdom Assignment through our local church. I have $100 to spend in God's ministry, no specifications other than that I must report back to the congregation. In my struggle to find one thing that I am most called to do--since I also having a growing sense that this is not meant only to grow God's money but to grow myself and push me out of my comfort zone--I have already missed the first reporting date as I continue to discern. I feel a growing pressure to report but also to remain true to another and greater responsibility to grow the money given to me by God for his purpose.

So, returning to the idea of "One Thing," I will set aside the time each day to write down one thing. This thing may be my response to something I've heard, read or done. It may be one thing I've committed to do. But it is a growth process foremost--to write one thing in response to some driving question in my mind. I committ to 100 days, but it will continue beyond that as the Spirit moves.

Grace & Peace!

A lesson left to learn

My mantra: learn it.

I feel blessed right now with where I'm at and what I'm doing--I really do--but part of that blessing is abundance, and part of that abundance is feeling abundantly drained at the moment. I'm coming off the high of a weekend with the boys. They are amazing, and I had an absolutely great time, but I am physically extremely tired and not particularly prepared for this coming week.

Even from the year's start (all one week of it), I'm getting the feeling of being presented with thousands more options for each one I pare down--and I'm working fervently on the paring... to no avail. I have too much that I want to do, and I seem to have a complex when it comes to being busy. I enjoy it, however much I push myself away from it.

This week as a sample:

~Tomorrow: from school to a three-hour class to picking out light fixtures for our cave of a kitchen--the old one blew mid-week and we haven't had the time to replace it, so I've been enjoying the old-fashioned experience of washing dishes in the dark

~Tuesday: school, probably some phone calls and dinner-making, 7:00 Missions meeting or babysitting

~Wednesday: school, CP meeting, QT, 7:00 worship (& decorating of the church or Sunday School copying)

~etc. I have a few free days sometime in the latter half of the week, but I need them to plow through the growing list. My college recommendations are not even to their respective people. How am I not further? I need to find the time to get thigns ready for the first ICONS meeting. Tip of the iceburg. Sunday School. First youth meeting prep. CROP Walk announcements, bulletin inserts, Sunday school resources, parent letters, decorations, recruiting, organizing. On this last, I'm hoping to unload some at the Missions meeting if I'm able to go.

Sometimes I just struggle with finding the balance between passion and sanity. I love these things I'm doing--or else I wouldn't be doing them--but it's hard to know where the balance lies.

So that's my mantra: Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance.

This coming from the person who always fell off the balance beam.

Grace & Peace!

Beginnings

School is starting up again soon--next Tuesday in fact. Spanish Comp. started Monday night but it doesn't seem like things are really back since I don't have class again for two weeks. I'm definitely ready to get back to things though. This last part of my summer has been incredibly slow--at least physically; it certainly hasn't been emotionally. My grandpa has completely shut down this past week. He won't do anything unless someone does it for him, and he's been so resistant and bitter. He's a new man everytime I see him, mostly sleeping away the day to avoid his own head. I don't always know what to say or do. Sometimes I wish I could just hold him in my arms and hug him to somehow make it all go away.

I am ready for the start of school, but I know how busy it's going to be. Even more so with my grandpa and family needing more of my time. Getting back means senior year which means getting serious about college apps, writing those darned scholarship essays, continuing the endless job search--seriously it's getting kind of ridiculous...and um, mayble finally getting that appointment for senior pics set up? All I seem to want to do these days is get my butt down to Albion. I'm ready.

Meanwhile, our church hauls itself out of hibernation September 9th. My mom and I are watching the boys for the weekend of September 7-9. CROP Rally is the 8th so I need to at least start getting the word out the next day, or at least a teaser BECAUSE Sunday School starts back on the 9th along with 2 services, communion and a baptism...and I think youth are popping popcorn. phewwww. At least youth meetings don't officially start until the next Sunday. Appalachia Service Project, we're on our way!!!

Another beginning: I received a letter from the District Superintendent this last week approving me to continue on with Candidacy Process. My CP mentor of awesome is Reverend Kathy. I was doing mind cartwheels all day last Wednesday--since I can't actually do them however much I try. I have balance issues, but I am incredibly excited. We're meeting Sept. 12.

So, summer is winding to a close. I finished a good deal of what I wanted to, but not all. My bathroom is still at half-way point. The windows of our house are unscraped. I did however go on many amazing trips, get to see lots of awesome people including the incredible Ashton & Sammy duo, and spend many wonderful mornings and afternoons curled up with books from my summer reading list. I made my way through a quarter (with a week left to cram). The list is over here

So, in close, a smaller and more manageable list for fall (only 12)and hopes for a good and productive fall.

DONE 1) A Thousand Splendid Suns Khaled Hosseini
DONE 2) Wicked Gregory Maguire
DONE 3) Welcome to the Monkey House Kurt Vonnegut
DONE 4) Irresistible Revolution Shane Claiborne
DONE 5) Strange Pilgrims Gabriel Garcia Marquez
DONE 6) Noises Off Michael Frayn
DONE 7) Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping Judith Levine
8) Talking about Homosexuality: A Congregational Resource Karen P. Oliveto
DONE 9) Prisoners of Silence Jonathan Kozol
10) Les Miserables Victor Hugo
DONE 11) Catch 22 Joseph Heller (because I need to finally finish this!)
DONE 12) Genesis

Grace & Peace!

A small snapshot of this past week

We got home from church today to find my grandpa's pajama pants and bathrobe on a chair by the stairs to my room and him curled up in my mom's bed sound asleep.

He's home now, at least for a day or two.

Pray

My grandpa's tucking in at our house tonight in preparation for a 5-6 hour session at Covenant tomorrow and the next few days also. The procedure is meant to measure fluid levels in his brain, which if at a certain level may be adding to his memory loss. If they do detect raised levels, a surgery can put in a stint that will keep them closer to desired levels. I'm hoping it goes well. It's just another step along the way I suppose. We're doing our best to keep him at comfort though.

I haven't heard any updates by way of Virginia folks. The last I heard was that my aunt didn't end up having the surgery but that it may be postponed for another day. With her discontinued insurance though, and some fairly low spirits, I think she can use all the prayer she can get.

I'm also centering my prayers on the family of Alyssa Grant this week. She was one of the youth to come to our Conference Youth Assembly just a few weeks ago, and I received an email that her father passed away after a massive heart attack. I can't imagine what her family is going through right now. May he rest in peace and may some peace be granted to her family as they struggle through this.

"The Eye of God"

Simple Things

My mom and I spent tonight with Sammy & Ashton. It's so much fun to be with them and watch them grow. Ashton baked us pancakes with bugs, or at least started to but got distracted in taking all of "my toys" away. "You can't play with toys before dinner, Zizzie." Oh, that's right, I forgot. *sigh*

Tomorrow we're going to go over and spend some good time with Grandpa. He has, for the most part, been much more peaceful over the past few weeks. I think some of it is resignation. I think some of it is just mellowing out? I think a big part of it is that we've spent more time with him. We've been taking him out for dinner a few times a week or sitting around with him while he eats his at home. Everytime we go anywhere it's the "best he's ever had." (It's great to hear him talk like that.) I talk to him at least three times a day. The first call is usually to see if he's taken his pills for the day, the other two or three or four usually because he forgets we've already talked. But sometimes it's nice to talk, and it's nice to hear that he's happy. As of the last doctor's visit, the doctor still didn't have a firm diagnosis. The only firm thing is that he can't drive although we're hoping to make that more official through Secretary of State. He's on two pills right now. One is for his thyroid and the other Aricept, is used for Alzheimers patients. We know he has some type of dementia, but sometimes it would be nice to have a firmer diagnosis. It seems like things would have a clearer path then, but I guess there really never is a clearer path with this. The family goes through a parallel struggle with the family member--a struggle to accept the person as they are now, not before, to be patient, to care even the twentieth time a story is told, to provide the absolute best that can be given. We pray and we wait. We pray and we wait and we love.

As for other simple things, I feel a little bit stuck in transition right now. MIP is over as I wait for acceptance into CP. Summer is slow as I wait for absolutely everything coming in another few weeks. I'm trying to take it slow because I know it will come fast. This would be a good time to work on college apps and scholarships, no? Why I keep procrastinating, I'm not sure--although I think a big part of it is the promising book pile always waiting for me. Continuing to fill out job applications would be a good thing too. I'm starting to think I'll never find one. Four down...I don't know: a bajillion left to go? Family time is a must in these next few weeks though, and friend time too. Today marks the one-year date from when Midori arrived. My mom and I started working on a book before she left. I worked on it more today...and hope to get it out this week. yikes!

One last-praying my hardest for my Aunt Linda. I heard through the grapevine that she was supposed to have had surgery on her tongue yesterday for the cancer she was diagnosed with earlier this year. Having the surgery at all was a debate, but one perpetuated by the fact that her health insurance runs out in a matter of a few days (she is privately insured as she runs her own country doc practice out of her own home). She needs to be surrounded right now. I wish we weren't so far away. God bless her and keep her in his care.

To the rest,

Grace & Peace always

Updates

Another month of the summer has completely flown by seemingly without notice.

The five days spent in North Carolina for Youth '07 were great. Sometimes it felt like the programming was so obviously directed at the younger middle school crowd, but there were some amazing speakers (notably Bishop Linda Lee and Bishop Minerva Carcano) and it was great to talk with so many people. The two "splatshops" I attended were really well done as was the Worship Feast.

I flew back home for a few days to rest and to go with my mom to the first of grandpa's doctor's visits (more in later post). Then we started off for our adventure to Virginia. It was so amazing to just relax with family. I had an especially great time in Eastville with my aunt and uncle there. Even though things would seem to be crazy there, (my aunt has her own medical practice out of her home and my uncle a car repair shop; it's a normal occurence for her to stay up until 2 or 3 talking and get up by 6 for devotions; there were kittens born our second day there) they welcomed us in so openly and there was never a moment that she didn't have the time to stop and talk and question. It was great to be there for my mom's cousin's daughter's first birthday. Even though the relationship seems so far out, they are perhaps the part of the family that we are closest to. After Eastville, we journeyed up to the Richmond area and then to the Gotthardt clan in Colonial Beach. All are well, and it was especially good to hang out with Uncle Norman who is always full of hilarious stories and had some great pictures to share. It's so much fun to hear all of the brothers and sisters gossip about each other. Quite reluctantly, we started home after about a week down there, stopping in Pennsylvania for impromptu visits to Gravity Hill and Cokesbury.

VBS started the next day, Sunday. My kindergarten class was adorable, and for the most part, agreeably high-strung. Emily, Austin, Ashyln, Logan, Autumn, Dalessa, Jacob, Patrick! I so didn't want to say good-bye after only five days with them.

But I did, and my mom drove me down to Adrian for the last three days of Conference Youth Assembly. Sarah and I had some good chats as roomates in our deluxe-sized R.A. room, and the dance had pretty much the best music I've ever heard at a dance--except the robot songs. Hopefully I can do some good things as Confirmand's Rally chair.

I was very happy to unpack my suitcase on Monday. It hadn't been fully unpacked for almost a month, and sometimes it just feels good to sleep in your own bed even though hotels and family members' homes and even college dorms certainly don't have disagreeable accomodations by any standard.

I'm home for the rest of the summer, and I definitely look forward to having some quality time with Ashton & Sammy, friends, and the stack of books still waiting for me. There are also definitely some other things to get done, but they will.

Grace & Peace

♥