Heart of Worship

One of the goals I set out to work toward this year is learning guitar. Granted, I've known for a long time that I have no musical talent. I'm tone deaf and am obtuse when it comes to rhythm (case in point: I can't clap and sing at the same time!). But the desire to learn guitar came less out of a desire to be able to showcase my newfound gift (ha) to anyone else and more out of a desire to come to a deeper understanding of what it means to have a heart of worship.

Eleven months into this "project" I have learned small amounts. At the outset of the year I only knew G but now I can play C, D and Em and can verrrrrrrry slowwwwwly string them together into a halting song. Granted, my practice times have also been few and far between for most of the year.

But tonight I got a small glimpse of God's heart. On about the 100th run through of the bridge (?) of "To Live is Christ" -- Only by the cross I am saved (C-D-Em) -- I was getting frustrated that I still couldn't switch smoothly from one chord to the next, but then God struck me with the thought that He is pleased if it takes me 100 times to wrestle with that truth that only by the cross I am saved rather than playing it smoothly the first time and moving on. I may never be able to play a song through smoothly. I may never be able to pray an hour in my room without falling asleep. I may never be able to go through a day without raising my voice at my students once or fighting the urge to walk out in frustration at broken expectations and the things in life that don't go my way...I may never be able to live a life of worship with a pure heart, but learning to play guitar is a tangible reminder of what it means to commit to even wrestle in worship with God and to fight for His truth to ring true in my heart, whether in one try, a hundred, a thousand, a lifetime...and to live life believing that one day I'll "get it" if only on the day when I stand face to face with Christ.

I'll bring You more than a song 

For a song in itself

Is not what You have required 

You search much deeper within 

Through the ways things appear 

You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship 

And it's all about You 

All about You, Jesus 

I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it 

When it's all about You 

It's all about You Jesus