A Funny Conversation

A conversation with my first graders this morning...

This morning in class I looked over to see J's hand on I's head.

J - Ms. Martin, his head feels hot!

Me - I, do you feel okay?

I - (nods)

J - Seriously, come feel it!

Me - J, take your hand off his head!

J - But it feels gooood. He feels hot like a jacuzzi. I like jacuzzis.

Me - Uhh...

Thankful Thoughts 2012

It's good to be home to rest and catch up with family! These days it is also a refreshing breath to step away from Detroit and gain a fresh perspective and heart to engage...

This morning, my mom and I had devotions together up in my room and shared what we are thankful for in this past year...but before I share my list, I want to share a cute moment from yesterday.

Yesterday afternoon, I had only two students left after lunch. I was sitting at my desk finishing up some work when I came over - "Hey, Ms. Martin, guess what I made?" He had made a cross on a peg board. "It's from the church of God," he said, holding up his peg board with a huge smile. I'm thankful for the light in his eyes that reminds me of God's good work not only in and through I's life (he's autistic but that "label" is becoming less and less true of him) but also in each student at our school, and in my own heart.

Here is I's journal from yesterday - "What are you thankful for?" - God blesses me so much through this child's heart to thank God for things I rarely stop to give thanks for. He wrote -

I'm thankful for school. 

I'm thankful for love. 

I'm thankful for numbers. 

I'm thankful for snack. 

I'm thankful for morning line. 

I'm thankful for books. 

A few things I give God thanks for this year - 

- continued health

- opening my heart more and more to a community of love (both to give and receive)

- faithfulness in calling and provision

- working powerfully in our LIFE group, bringing many through word of mouth, including those who don't know Christ but can still find a space to call home and explore more of who God is - for me, what we do is all about them and others who would not otherwise have a faith community

- opening our eyes through connections with other churches in Detroit to see the many ways God is moving in the city

- partnership - every bit of it is a gift

- sisters to keep me accountable and grow together with, mentors who give me a glimpse of what's ahead

- time to spend with family and friends

- a joy where I can invest and daily learn; a job where God is the only one who can be in control

- small wins with the children in my classroom every day

- opening my mind to understand the foundational power and rich gift of the Word and to take in His truth (John 8:32 coming alive in my life this year!)

- Sabbath times

- opportunities to learn

What are you thankful for today? 

Heart of Worship

One of the goals I set out to work toward this year is learning guitar. Granted, I've known for a long time that I have no musical talent. I'm tone deaf and am obtuse when it comes to rhythm (case in point: I can't clap and sing at the same time!). But the desire to learn guitar came less out of a desire to be able to showcase my newfound gift (ha) to anyone else and more out of a desire to come to a deeper understanding of what it means to have a heart of worship.

Eleven months into this "project" I have learned small amounts. At the outset of the year I only knew G but now I can play C, D and Em and can verrrrrrrry slowwwwwly string them together into a halting song. Granted, my practice times have also been few and far between for most of the year.

But tonight I got a small glimpse of God's heart. On about the 100th run through of the bridge (?) of "To Live is Christ" -- Only by the cross I am saved (C-D-Em) -- I was getting frustrated that I still couldn't switch smoothly from one chord to the next, but then God struck me with the thought that He is pleased if it takes me 100 times to wrestle with that truth that only by the cross I am saved rather than playing it smoothly the first time and moving on. I may never be able to play a song through smoothly. I may never be able to pray an hour in my room without falling asleep. I may never be able to go through a day without raising my voice at my students once or fighting the urge to walk out in frustration at broken expectations and the things in life that don't go my way...I may never be able to live a life of worship with a pure heart, but learning to play guitar is a tangible reminder of what it means to commit to even wrestle in worship with God and to fight for His truth to ring true in my heart, whether in one try, a hundred, a thousand, a lifetime...and to live life believing that one day I'll "get it" if only on the day when I stand face to face with Christ.

I'll bring You more than a song 

For a song in itself

Is not what You have required 

You search much deeper within 

Through the ways things appear 

You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship 

And it's all about You 

All about You, Jesus 

I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it 

When it's all about You 

It's all about You Jesus 

"You're Rich"

This phrase has been repeating itself in my head this week...

Tramping through the fall leaves on my way home, especially along brick-paved Pallister, and breathing in the warm fall air... you're rich to be experiencing this moment right now...

Working through loan repayment details last night, the value of the numbers faded and the reminder came...you're rich to have experienced these last four years, not only in education but in experiencing Biblical community and a fresh experience of faith...

[I felt prompted to check out www.globalrichlist.com afterward - top 13.5% income in the world should lead to nothing short of praise! Where do you stand?]

Tuesday night as our community group sat around affirming one another's spiritual gifts...you're rich to have this community during this time of transition...

Reading God's Word on morning bus rides...you're rich to understand these Words...you're rich to have this quiet time before the day begins...

Coming home from work...you're rich to have these experiences straight out of college with no certification and to have the privilege to invest in these children's lives and experience their joy...

After months of feeling akin to the blue, little oval in the Zoloft commericals dragging itself along the ground under cloud cover, these past few weeks have been a huge breath of fresh air as the clouds have rolled away and God has blessed me with a fresh perspective. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude  at the smallest things. However, may this gratitude be not just an emotion but lay down deeper roots to anchor me whatever comes next...

And even now that I'm inside your hands
Help me not to grow prideful again
Don't let me forsake sacrifice
Jesus you be lifted high

And if I'm blessed with the riches of kings
How could I ever feel that it was me
For you brought me from darkness to light
Jesus, you be lifted high

-"Be Lifted High," Michael W. Smith

Jiro Dreams of Sushi - 5 Qualities of a Great Chef & Leader

I recently viewed the documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi after eye-ing it for a number of months. Not only am I quickly drawn to any story or film that focuses on the elderly because I feel like they are a population often written off but full of so many interesting experiences and knowledge (as well as just being SHAMELESS with whatever and whoever they love best), but also I was drawn by a love for Japanese culture...and sushi.

Check out the trailer here!


Although many of the experiences shared pointed to the pervasive Japanese worldview of hard work and family honor - for example Jiro describing his own experience of learning the value of perseverance through being sent out from his family before the age of 10 to work and told he needed to work hard because he had no home to come back to! - I felt that there were also a number of Gospel truths woven into the narrative.

One thing that stuck out to me most were the 5 Qualities of a Great Chef shared by a man describing his time with Jiro. I realized how telling these qualities are for great leaders in the church and society as well.

1. Each day work to beat what you've done before - One of the biggest challenges as Christians is that our experience of God's faithfulness should always propel us to have greater anticipation and expectation of what He can yet do and to set our lives on a path that always leaves room for God to do more through us than we could do on our own strength.
2. Intentionally develop skills
3. Cleanliness (food will not taste good in an unclean environment) - I realized how true this is of the pursuit of holiness in the church. Two ministries may have identical events but there will be a greater fruit and experience of God in the place where believers are earnestly praying for the Spirit to move, asking God to purify their hearts, and seeking to align their lives to be more Christ-like. Just as there is an impure taste to food prepared in an unclean environment, there is a tainted sense to a worship service, Bible study, or any gathering in the church when it's evident that the truth shared does not resonate in the experiences of the people in that room outside of that set time.
4. Leader vs. collaborator - Obviously collaboration is more valued in the church than in the kitchen (though there, too, there is a sense of collaboration towards a common goal), but I think what they were describing here is a sense of leadership in setting non-negotiables when it comes to values. If the chef does not set clear values, direction, and vision in the kitchen, everyone will rise up as a chef with their own opinions - where we get the phrase "too many chefs in the kitchen." I'm constantly learning that if leaders do not set clear values and direction as they hear from God, there will also be a confusion in the group and many others rising up to set their own agenda.
5. Passion!

Another interesting aspect of the documentary was apprenticeship. Jiro and the staff talked many times about how the restaurant was one generation away from extinction when it came to the values of service and quality of food if new chefs were not challenged and raised up. Jiro passed on not only the skills but also a sense of focus and passion, helping his sons and the other workers to build one skill at a time (One described that they were not allowed to make the eggs for 10 years! Even then, their skill was critiqued and refined). Apprenticeship under Jiro is not easy - his own son wanted to run away for the first 2 years - but it produces excellent chefs who not only seek their own fame but understand the direction of the restaurant. Not every chef stays either. Jiro described the process of sending out one man to start his own restaurant. He recognized potential in him and pushed for him to pursue his gifts. It's not hard to see the connections to principles of discipleship.

Finally, it stood out that Jiro's shop is the only one of its kind to receive the Michelin 3-star rating for restaurants (a rating that qualifies a restaurant to be worthy of a visit to that country just to eat there). There are only 10 seats, it costs $300 a meal, you must reserve a seat at least a month in advance, and they serve nothing but sushi, but still people come from all over the world to "come and see." What a compelling reminder of the Gospel - it's a narrow road, costly, and is "nothing but Jesus," but it's worthy to share nothing more or less than the truth and to invite others to "come and see." And like they shared of Jiro's place, "there's never a disappointing experience."

Faith like a Child

God gave me a comforting image this morning for the coming months...A child is playing in a maze, high enough that they cannot see the way but low enough that the parent watching over can see everything. The child runs into dead end after dead end yet laughs hysterically at each because they can look up and see their parent watching and they know something good is in the middle of the maze. For this child, everything is pure joy. The search is as enjoyable as the act of discovery.

"Fearless Moral Inventories"

I read a book recently that described the process of evaluating where you're at, where you've been, and where you have yet to grow as this, and after a day long retreat of exactly this I think I completely agree with the term.

The best analogy I can think of is weeding. You see something on the surface that doesn't look quite right--a habit, a relationship, an emotion--and so you begin digging all around it--going through every emotion, every past experience without trying to isolate only what's "relevant" (you can't dig out a weed by digging from only one side if it's of any significant size). Finally, finally after a lot of digging, you come to the point where you can fully unearth it, hold it in your hands, look at it from all sides. You begin to even see the places where the roots touch those of other weeds nearby. It's time-consuming, draining, but immensely satisfying...and absolutely necessary for the real plants to grow.

Life Lessons Learned in East Quad Dining...

Various times over this past semester, I've been enjoying reflecting over all the random but very true lessons I've learned over the past few years working in the dining hall...there is definitely something to learn in every job! Here are a handful of the lessons I've picked up:

1. Don't be scared off by the first impression people give...some of the workers have extremely tough exteriors and will do anything to dissuade you from getting to know them at the outset...but I've realized for many of them it's just a defense mechanism to ward off those who won't make the effort to really get to know them. Most of them are softies inside. I'm grateful too for those that were easy to get to know off the bat. Without them and their encouragement, I don't know that I would've had the mental fortitude to stick around!

2. Every person plays a role...no room for prideful "do it all yourself-ers...you realize this quickly on days where half of the staff doesn't show up and everything falls into chaos. It's only picked back up again when there is a strong leader (see #4) and everyone else steps up to take their part.
3. On a related note...pride comes before fall. Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I thought I could handle the floor by myself, and that was the exact moment followed by dropping the tomatoes and sending them rolling all over the floor (or those nasty mushrooms that stick to the floor!), or someone walking by spilling their cereal and milk, the cheese...or worst, the honey!
4. Everything depends on the leader who's able to train and delegate...a strong shift leader or manager trains and encourages others to do the work and helps them prioritize, the newbies almost always try to do it all themselves and end up not only being constantly distracted by others coming to them looking for direction and not knowing what to do but holding everyone over by an hour because neither they nor the other workers were able to complete the work.
5. Learn to prioritize...If everything's empty, you can't fill it all at once, but you learn to realize which things the dining hall can't do without (salad, cheese, Lucky Charms, guacamole, cucumbers, balsamic vinegar, soy sauce, pita...to name a few)--seriously, just try waiting a few minutes before filling any of these and see if you won't get at least 10 requests--and which things people really don't notice the absence of (for instance, you could probably go a full shift without replacing the beets or olives with relatively little fuss). This holds true to life--gotta learn what is worth stressing about and what you can just take care of when you have time.
6. Every conversation doesn't have to be deep...For some, this is a fairly obvious lesson, but for me, someone who sincerely dislikes small talk and would almost always rather jump into the immediate deep questions--What are you passionate about? What motivates you? Where do you see yourself in five years? A year from now?--it has been a good lesson to see how even the small talk that accumulates over months and years of seeing the same people at work (whether co-workers or students in the dorms) can grow into a strong relationship where you have a basis of trust to begin talking about the deeper things.
7. Don't discount the value of prayer...Not only was prayer sometimes the driving motivation that brought me through my shifts on sleep-deprived days or the middle of fasts and helped me to continue to be faithful, I also saw multiple times that people I met in the dining hall and gained a burden to pray for, were people I later saw at church. Although I rarely had the privilege to invite, I had the privilege to pray and see God do His work through others.

Birthday #22

Thank you, thank you to all of you who made this past birthday week so special. I think birthdays always bring a really powerful reminder of gratitude for the community God has given.

I'm not the best at photo evidence but glad that others are more faithful in this then me :)

Thursday night, I received a care package from my dad, Dundee & Fy. Loving the glasses especially. :)

Saturday I spent the morning with our leadership team in Detroit at Heidelberg and Wayne State, reminding me how much I love just exploring, people watching, and learning about new things and places. Below some pictures from Heidelberg Project...

Then, I headed back to Ann Arbor where some members of IMAX surprised me with cupcake and flowers. :)

Sugy, Claire, Phil, Marla & Joohee, who was faithfully taking the picture!

After, my mom came and we had a really good time just enjoying the nice weather, eating Indian food at my favorite warm-weather Indian restaurant, Raja Rani (Probably odd to most, but I have a favorite for every weather here in Ann Arbor...), getting bubble tea, and reading our BRP's together. I'm thankful everyday to have a mom I can call both my best friend and a sister in Christ.

Sunday night, I went to dinner with Carol and Shelby at Haifa Falafel. I'm thankful for friends I've been through thick and thin together over these past four years. It was 100% God's grace that we met that first night of college.

Wednesday night IMAX surprised me again with cake and adorable folder card (see pics below!)

There are few things that can replace that feeling of true surprise...especially the truth of the Good News which every once in a while just hits me anew and surprises me again with how good it is and how alive it comes through experiences. This 21st year has been unprecedented in the amount of surprises of God's faithfulness in the midst of my unfaithfulness, doubt, brokenness. I know 100% a life without Him is meaningless and praying that not a day will go by this year where I am numb to the power of the Gospel truth.

Thursday night I celebrated with Esther at Melting Pot. Thank you God for providing a mentor so persistent and passionate in the truth!

Not from Thursday but recent enough...

Looking forward to all that God has in store for 2012!

"Two things I ask of you;

do not deny them to me before I die:

Remove far from me falsehood and lying;

give me neither poverty nor riches;

feed me with the food that I need,

or I shall be full, and deny you,

and say, 'Who is the LORD?'"

-Proverbs 30:7-9

Translation Project

kind of cool...just got a message that our translation project from last year is up on the U of M website now: http://www.commcoll.umich.edu/espanol/ Our group translated "costos y ayuda." The best part is probably just seeing the practical use of something we did in one of our classes since it's often really hard to see the tangible result of anything learned in my ling and spanish classes.

Our tiny bit of "fame" hidden here. :)

Learning to Stretch Prayer Muscles

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." (2 Pe 3:9)

What if it takes 12,000 prayers to see fruit and I'm only at 562? Will I persevere in faith of God's promise or drop out of the race? Lord, teach me a patient and persevering heart...In your perfect timing, bring a miracle that will lift high Your name alone!

Two Lessons

This week I learned...

1. To seek affirmation not in how people respond to what I say/do but in whether or not I am speaking the truth with grace and living in a way that points to something bigger than myself

2. A call to repent is not simply a call to come to the cross for forgiveness but a call to come to the cross and lay down everything again, to take on the call of following God wherever He leads. A call to repent sometimes means a willingness to wrestle before you receive peace. To come to the cross for anything else is a cheap view of grace.

Lord, teach me to receive whatever you give, to release whatever you take away...

Worshiping Our Way to (Social) Change

Today marks my first blog post since beginning college that's not about setting goals--I know, more than a little ridiculous! I'm writing from the Red Eye in Saginaw, one of the world's best coffee shops in my opinion. Amazing espresso drinks with rich flavor, a relaxed atmosphere that draws all types of people, local artwork hung on the walls, the home of many good talks with friends over the years...If you mix Ambrosia and Sweetwaters in Ann Arbor, you might come to something close but still unmatched by Red Eye as far as I'm concerned. The perfect place to spend a rainy afternoon while my mom's away at work and I'm in need of a place to get away to be more productive rather than being invited into my warm bed by the conniving cat who just wants to be scratched behind the ears and spend a leisurely afternoon reading and napping. haha

As for the title of this post, it's in reference to this Spring Break so far. A year ago, coming home from my third ASB trip, I began praying through whether or not to commit fully to ASB as a site leader for the coming year or to let it go and be open to what God would do instead. I felt peace with God calling me to let it go, and as I'm wrapping up this break, I'm thankful that God gave me that peace because this past week has been one of the best breaks I could have asked for...a chance to get to know my life group and class members on a whole new level, explore the city of Detroit and see how God is working there, enjoy satisfying times of worship both corporately and individually, and spend a few days at home with family.

Last Saturday, as we were reading the BRP before heading out to serve, I read 2 Chronicles 29. It struck me that Hezekiah's first act as king was to restore the temple for worship. He had the discernment to understand that the source of all of the nation's troubles was disobedience, a lack of worship. So rather than raise up an army, devise some policy or strategy, Hezekiah simply leads the people to worship.

This struck me especially because the night before two IMAX brothers shared their life stories and the time of worship following was powerful--It reminded me of the power of community on a personal level for the first time in months and brought a strong reminder of God's presence restoring each person personally as well as a corporate unity. I also felt God's power to heal the tension in one of the member's families that we were staying at. Above all, I felt God's spirit preparing us for our work in the city of Detroit as well as back in Ann Arbor for the remainder of our trip.

So, then, as I read Hezekiah's story early the next morning, it brought a fresh conviction that what will bring change in the city of Detroit, on the campus of U of M, within our hearts, is not just actions or good deeds but the building of Biblical community and worship. I think I understood for the first time what John Piper meant when he said, "Missions exists because worship doesn't." God may not call me into the city of Detroit now or maybe not even in the future, but I'm content that if all He says is "pray" that that is calling enough to stay behind and pray for the work that He will do in the city through other brothers and sisters--the doors He will open, the community He will build, the worship He will bring forth, the change we'll see in the city.

My Break in Brief

As usual, I neglected to take pictures--I'm always too distracted by just experiencing to stop and record the moment--but if others post, I will put some up here!

• Friday night--delicious Lebanese dinner, life story sharing & worship at Marla's grandma's house in Dearborn Heights with IMAX.
• Saturday--Full day in Detroit: partnering together with Wayne State students and other Detroit residents at Blight Busters demo-ing the sites of seven abandoned houses to create an urban farm, exploring midtown (Ren Cen, People Mover, skating at Campus Martius), continuing our culinary tour of Detroit with sweet potato pie and soul food near our service site and Mexican food in Southwest.
• Sunday--Back in Ann Arbor with the kids in Building Blocks. IMAX did lunch outreach going out two-by-two and it was crazy to see the number of connections in the people we met. Almost every person we met was in some way connected to someone else in the group or to our church in some way. Praying that God will continue to work through these connections! We also spent some time resting before eating a feast at Chia Shiang and heading to Sugy's place in West Bloomfield.
• Monday--woke up to an amazing Korean feast prepared by Sugy's mom before heading to Wayne State campus for a tour and connecting with the U of M Detroit Center. We had a lot of good conversations with students over lunch as well as connecting with some U of M students from New Life who are down there for spring break to lay down roots for their church plant in the coming year.
• Tuesday--a lazy day in Ann Arbor: worship, laundry, and a few hours rooted in Starbucks sending out resumes to potential jobs.
• Wednesday--brunch at Cloverleaf with Erica and an interview at Greenhouse Montessori (a flop but a good learning experience!); at night, a chill potluck, Jeremy Lin, and spoons with Remedy + Janice :)
• Thursday--whirlwind day in Dearborn/Detroit with Remedy: connecting with two men doing long-term outreach in Dearborn, one of whom led us on a prayer tour of some of the ministries and brought us to lunch at a local restaurant. Afterward we went to tutor at a Catholic organization that works with several local elementary schools to put on an after school program and then headed over to a Bible study at Citadel of Faith. Although unable to stay for the whole study, I was intrigued by the informal structure that allowed for people of literally all walks of life craving a Bible study to drop in. There was clearly a core group made up of men and women from some type of adult assisted living, young professionals working in the city, older adults married with kids, etc. but also others who streamed in throughout the night. Our group didn't at all feel out of place even though it was our first time there. The night flowed from informal ice breakers to a testimony sharing broken up by requests for some of the more committed members to lift up prayers for specific requests raised, and then into a whole group discussion of evangelism before focusing on 1 Corinthians 3:7-10 in our smaller groups. I'm not sure I would trade the intimacy of our LIFE group setting for this model, but it was an interesting glimpse into what Bible study can look like as a community in the city.
• Friday--Back in Saginaw for a few days to spend time with family, rooming with my mom while our neighbor's son is staying over at the house for a short while--woken up this morning by one of our "new roommates" (a puppy) running over my bed and then our cat cuddling in, quite annoyed by the dog. haha

And that brings me back to sitting here at the Red Eye. Praying that the rest of the break will be an intentional one, and a restful one. Even though there have been moments of rest throughout the break, my spirit still feels like it's running from one thing to the next, but I pray for a content spirit that is ready to dive into these last few weeks of senior year with a focused spirit resting in God even in the busiest days, a worshipful spirit. "Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the LORD." (Zechariah 4:6)